My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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