I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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