I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
