honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
