i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
