I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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