He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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