dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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