The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
