nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
