Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
