If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
