Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
