the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
