I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
