Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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