sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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