i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
