now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
