I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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