Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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