man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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