It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
