i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
then he tried to convert me to islam
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize