You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
