there's paper in my vomit.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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