if only i could text you this smell
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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