she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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