Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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