We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
