took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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