Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize
