seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
