Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
how drunk are you?
Several
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
