and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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