i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize