well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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