my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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