how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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