So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
