You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
