She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
