I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
