take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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