Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
