forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
