Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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