3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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