Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
