Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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