i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
a search helicopter?!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
