How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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