next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
