just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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