youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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