Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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