Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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