woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
