i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
