that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
