Your tits are I can't wait for
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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