Having a random hookup so left but love u
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
