his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
