Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize