I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
