There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he fucked my hip out of place.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
