Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
