Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
