pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
