You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
