just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
