My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
