You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize