so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
