Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
