I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize